“Bang, click, slide,” were the sounds of the jail cell door being secured with attorney Juanita Headley on the inside. This is not simply a line from my new book, Attorney Behind Bars/One Smooth Stone, but this was my lived experience on June 17th of this year.
When I was arrested that morning, and taken before the Serious Offences Court Judge in my nightclothes, what followed could only be described as a nightmare.
Being thrown into prison was most definitely not part of the plan that saw me quit my job on August 14th and get on a flight to St. Vincent on August 19th. However, since God had given me the gift of speaking, and an anti-human trafficking ministry, it was only natural for me to share my message wherever I went.
The problem with that, was I had unknowingly chosen a location where my message was getting me the wrong kind of attention. First, I was accused of not being a lawyer, next, that I was on the run, and worst of all, that I was a human trafficker. In tears I turned to The Searchlight newspaper for vindication. This backfired when their sensational reporting lost me friends, the support of the church, and turned an entire nation against me.
I felt alone, rejected, and abandoned, and for the first time in my life I could truly empathize with Jesus in Luke 22:42, when He asked God to take the cup from Him. Despite my ability to identify with how He was feeling, one of the major differences between us, was that Jesus never once contemplated suicide, but instead took his purpose to the cross (Matthew 27:32-56).
My purpose for this season was to endure imprisonment, and just like Paul and Silas (Acts 16), every day of my incarceration I sang. Two days before my unexpected release, the Lord brought to my remembrance the “prison break” hymn, “He set me free one day, He set me free, He burst the bars of prison for me. Some day in glory His face I shall see, glory be to God, He set me free.” God set me free, just as He did for Joseph, and Paul and Silas before me. This was my cross to bear (Luke 14:27), but I was not carrying it alone. Just as He stood with the three men in the fiery furnace (Daniel 3:23-25), He was right there beside me.
Until this happened, I had never known or truly experienced the tremendous power of worship, because when everything was taken from me, all that I still had were hymns. Everyday was a concert before God, my audience of one, and I was the prison thermostat changing the atmosphere.
Just as Joseph told his brothers in Genesis 50:20, “You meant evil against me, but God used it for good,” I could likewise echo his words. I knew that my experience was not wasted, and would propel me further into my destiny. My decade long passion for ex convicts was no accident, nor was successfully passing the N.Y. Bar exam on my 3rd attempt. God had a plan to prosper and not to harm me (Jeremiah 29:11), He had a vision for my future and was taking me on a journey to get there.
After 7 years as an attorney and having written only one legal article during that time, I amazed myself by writing 11 articles in a week. Incarceration had restored my gift of writing, and ignited my passion for the falsely accused and incarcerated. The burden that I had was so much stronger because I knew exactly how it felt. Devouring books like Ian Manuel’s, My Time Will Come, in one sitting, and having the honour and privilege of meeting him just days later was bittersweet. Although, our lives were so different, there were also many similarities at the same time, childhood sexual abuse, trauma, abandonment, psychological abuse. We both focused on the future, and had our healthy distractions, Ian writing poetry and me writing stories. Two broken people, in the process of being made whole.
God gives His strongest battles to His strongest warriors. I am a warrior for Christ, I am not ashamed of the gospel and am willing to die for my faith. Just as I went to prison for false charges, I will likewise go to prison for my faith. I have no reservations, God gave His life for me and I am willing to give my life for Him.
